Matilda

you have a good college education! You have excellent training in quality control! You can do this!

life itself is more important, reminded her high school sweetheart, who still loves her and she him

Gotta get a job A good job And keep it, do it well, consistently

‘Too much time alone to do not good things’ Boy was he right!!! She asked him how much do we really need to be part of the system? He said, if you want a place to live and food, it helps. He also said to jump and exercise, and this is good advice. So she is, exercising and jumping on her trampoline most everyday If suicide is not the answer, then life must be the answer. She doesn’t like it all the time She’s afraid to leave the house, afraid of the world, and grieving a close family member while single parenting Options have begun to appear, many are not her favorite

shes womaning up and taking the reins Deciding what’s best for her and her family  Doing her best every day.  Decide to live Decide which fights are sustainable Decide what’s most important  Decide to create the life she desires for herself and her daughter Decide to meet their needs, to move from surviving to thriving

We have to become disentangled from the fear - some say put your fear at the top of your sword - in order to reconnect with our own intuition, which is necessary for good choice making Breathing helps with this Action v non action Which action and which non action? This can feel crazy making Just get a ducking job?go on disability? Don’t trust the system it doesn’t seem to be working well, but does one haveca choice when one’s life appears to be falling apart? Don’t make a problem where there isn’t one, there may be other ways of looking at the situation that are hopeful and strengthening What and where are they and am I strong enough to hold them? I want to run I want to stand and fight I want to hide Sometimes I want to die I want to win I need  comfort and security Why have I not built these for myself and my family yet? We don’t function alone, as human beings we are designed to work together. Community and family are what keeps us going and picks us up when we ne

And so grateful to live in this supportive community And comfortable in her small small world And has made herself small out of hiding and fear and indecisionand feels difficulty trusting esp after yet another family betrayal How do we keep ourselves together? And stay together and live happy together? How do we get our shit together? How do we move forward when we’re paralyzed by fear! How do we get our heads around packing? What do we need and what can we let go of? - it depends on where we’re going and what we’re doing... feel trapped in a paradox loop

Be very very careful of online forums and such. It’s tempting to believe there’s magic bullets that can make it all better, Keep yourself safe online. Never ever use your real name https://www.propublica.org/article/sen-elizabeth-warren-asks-why-the-justice-department-went-easy-on-big-banks