Mournings
it rained last night and everything is fresh and clean , the air is easy to breathe
I love my back garden at this time, the roses have bloomed, the river is flowing the birds are singing, crickets too
My dog loves this peaceful morning meditation also
The cat too
We all love this peace, sanctuary, refuge that is our place , our home
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This evening my daughter returns from holiday
Tomorrow i return to work and I have big choices to make,
I experienced panic attacks and pain - considering last week a future of only living in my house, paying exorbitant interest to banks, with all the maintenance and responsibility on me. I have bigger more enjoyable dreams for my life. I’ve got this one and I want to make the most of it. I e got one child and I want to enjoy this time
Feels much more peaceful to let go, and yet it also doesn’t make sense when considered from a point of view of investment opportunity- rents in this city can be astronomically high and I have a family to support- her father has not paid any child support in many many years.
It’s taken me a long time to be willing to treat myself with tenderness and care, with love which is my birthright.
How best to take care of myself through this?
I’ve been so angry at the injustice of the foreclosure process, so incensed at the fact that nobody gets a truly fair hearing (if they get a hearing at all) because the judges pensions are invested in the plaintiffs and in mortgage backed securities. Nobody seems to know this even though it’s right there in the public record - the public employees retirement association invests their pension funds in the big 4 banks and in mortgage backed securities. Imagine how different if pera invested public employees pensions in the communities they serve?
So I’ve decided to sell the house, take advantage of the fact that the market has gone up and o should be able to sell the house as is and still walk away with enough to start over. We will have to go minimalist in terms of things, but I feel that will be a relief to both my daughter and myself. We may have to share accommodation in order to afford a decent lifestyle on my salary but that too could be a relief.. what if something goes right?
This process can either grow or shrink a person, and I’ve made a choice to grow. I’ve been cowering, terrified, holding down this homestead that I don’t have the resources to maintain the way I would choose for too long. It’s scared me so bad, my daughter too, even the dog. My family needs me, the best me I can be.
I’m going to need a lot of help and support to navigate this change with grace and ease.
I’m not built for siege, I’m built for luxury, ease, joy and feeling good -
May I have ease of Well being
May I be free or safe from all forms of internal or external danger or harm
I love my back garden at this time, the roses have bloomed, the river is flowing the birds are singing, crickets too
My dog loves this peaceful morning meditation also
The cat too
We all love this peace, sanctuary, refuge that is our place , our home
-
This evening my daughter returns from holiday
Tomorrow i return to work and I have big choices to make,
I experienced panic attacks and pain - considering last week a future of only living in my house, paying exorbitant interest to banks, with all the maintenance and responsibility on me. I have bigger more enjoyable dreams for my life. I’ve got this one and I want to make the most of it. I e got one child and I want to enjoy this time
Feels much more peaceful to let go, and yet it also doesn’t make sense when considered from a point of view of investment opportunity- rents in this city can be astronomically high and I have a family to support- her father has not paid any child support in many many years.
It’s taken me a long time to be willing to treat myself with tenderness and care, with love which is my birthright.
How best to take care of myself through this?
I’ve been so angry at the injustice of the foreclosure process, so incensed at the fact that nobody gets a truly fair hearing (if they get a hearing at all) because the judges pensions are invested in the plaintiffs and in mortgage backed securities. Nobody seems to know this even though it’s right there in the public record - the public employees retirement association invests their pension funds in the big 4 banks and in mortgage backed securities. Imagine how different if pera invested public employees pensions in the communities they serve?
So I’ve decided to sell the house, take advantage of the fact that the market has gone up and o should be able to sell the house as is and still walk away with enough to start over. We will have to go minimalist in terms of things, but I feel that will be a relief to both my daughter and myself. We may have to share accommodation in order to afford a decent lifestyle on my salary but that too could be a relief.. what if something goes right?
This process can either grow or shrink a person, and I’ve made a choice to grow. I’ve been cowering, terrified, holding down this homestead that I don’t have the resources to maintain the way I would choose for too long. It’s scared me so bad, my daughter too, even the dog. My family needs me, the best me I can be.
I’m going to need a lot of help and support to navigate this change with grace and ease.
I’m not built for siege, I’m built for luxury, ease, joy and feeling good -
May I have ease of Well being
May I be free or safe from all forms of internal or external danger or harm
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